I'm currently working towards my Masters in Reading Instruction and will graduate in May (yay!!!!!). For this last class we have to tutor students who struggle significantly with reading. As the professor was describing our role as tutors she brought up an interesting point regarding self-esteem. She wanted to remind us that children need to feel successful in order to be motivated to work hard and want to improve.
She continued by saying, "Have I ever told you my thoughts on self-esteem?" I thought, oh boy...here we go. Could you please finish telling us our role so we can get out of here? My stomach is growling and I want to get home to see my baby! But it was worth staying and listening.
She views self-esteem as the things we tell children to hopefully boost their confidence. For example, your child brings you a picture they've drawn and it's only okay. As a parent, we might respond and say, "Wow, honey! That is wonderful. You are so artistic!" We think, "How cute! I didn't have the heart to tell her what the drawings really look like. She was so proud of her work!" Now what happens to this child next year in art class when she compares her work to that of her classmates? A huge, let down feeling. The realization that she is, in fact, no artist at all. Her drawings are starting to not even resemble what she once thought they did. Utter disappointment.
My professor instead suggested saying things such as, "Wow, you worked so hard on that artwork!" "You are such a hard worker, you are going to do big things one day!" Focus on character traits as opposed to the skill.
She views self-efficacy, in turn, as what a child feels internally after overcoming something they've had to work hard for. For example, your child plays baseball. He really wants to play first base but can't throw the ball to third to save his life. He spends every day after school practicing with his dad. He starts to see little improvement but isn't sure if he'll ever be able to throw to third. After weeks of practice he finally throws it to third. He is elated! His hard work has paid off. He is now building a sense of confidence in himself that if he works hard at something he can succeed.
The coach even puts him in to play first base during a game. After all the hard work a play is hit to first base and he gets the player out. He throws it to third in a sorry attempt to get another player out. The throw is short by about 5 feet. The player is safe. "What a let down!' The boy thinks. The coach tells the boy, "Don't worry, Michael Jordan once said he failed over and over in his life and that's why he succeeded." The boy has a sense of confidence that he will continue to practice and will succeed.
Self-esteem or self-efficacy? Self-esteem is all the things we tell our children to make them feel better about themselves and try to build confidence, and not necessarily all 'true' things. But self-efficacy is what they learn while failing, practicing, working hard, and then succeeding. It's our job as parents to help our children deal with their failures and build upon their strengths.
Here is a great article regarding self-efficacy that was published in the Wall Street Journal.
Here's tons of info on self-efficacy if you want to learn more about this idea!
